Joe Camry {{forumTopicSubject}}

Joe Camry is your typical guy driving along in his Toyota Camry. He is not a motorcycle guy and likely, because of his car, not a car guy, a racing guy, or a lot of “guy” things. Probably all he knows about motor vehicles he has learned from Consumer Reports or Good Housekeeping. He thinks airbags in automobiles are a good idea and doesn't understand why seat belts are a good idea, but he wears one anyway. Joe Camry knows about his car's safety features but may not know how many cylinders his engine has. He may not know what a cylinder is. He believes everything he has ever heard about hybrid cars and fast women and can't tell the difference.

Joe Camry comes in all ages, education levels, incomes, and employment. But he is usually a passive guy with a narrow world view. Mrs. Camry keeps it that way.

To Joe Camry all motorcycle riders are from planet nut. He doesn't understand any of them. He also doesn't really understand there are differences between motorcycles. As a child when he was learning to cross the street he was told to “look for cars” and he never learned to look for motorcycles. Now that he drives a car he still doesn't look for motorcycles. When he is forced to notice one it annoys him. He barely notices they come in different sizes.

Joe Camry is afraid to learn more about motorcycles. To Joe it would be like learning more about dynamite or venereal disease or Madonna. He knows just enough to be afraid of all these things and he isn't inclined to challenge his world view. If he did he would have to change and grow and Joe Camry doesn't like change and growth. Change can be unsafe and growth can be expensive. Better to be safe and frugal.

So, why does this all matter? Because the Joe Camry's of the world weave through and orbit around the lives of motorcycle riders with little or no understanding of who we are and what we do, and occasionally cause accidents with other cars and motorcycles. Even worse, Joe Camry sometimes sheds his passivity and votes and he is inclined to vote against those who advocate motorcycle riding or similar activities and instead vote for the safety gurus who claim to have deep insight into what is good and safe for everybody else.

It is very hard to explain to Joe and his representatives why a wheelie is a good thing, why a motorcycle should have more power than most cars, and why MotoGP champion Valentino Rossi may be the best motorcycle rider ever, bordering on pagan god status.

But let's try to explain it to them anyway. In words they will more likely understand:

• There is no motorcycle equivalent of a Camry. No one who designs motorcycles would know how to create the motorcycle equivalent of a Camry.

• No man who has ever bought a Camry believes he will get laid because of his car. Women who marry men because they own a Camry should be sterilized.

• Many women will throw themselves at a man who rides a motorcycle. And well they should.

• Wheelies are fun. Many motorcycles can be wheelied. This is all you need to know about wheelies.

• No Camry has ever done a wheelie and no Camry will ever do a wheelie. God wants it this way.

• Camry drivers could find excitement in a coma. Motorcycle riders would rather knit a parachute than drive a Camry.

• Camry drivers never get together and “bench race”.

• No Camry has ever been redlined in any gear at any time.

• No Camry has ever exceeded a speed limit. Anywhere.

• No Camry driver has ever seen a motorcycle drive at or below the posted speed limit. This is as it should be.

• Female Camry drivers always wear bras. Quite a few male Camry drivers wear them as well – just to be safe.

• Most motorcycle riders contemplate riding naked at some point in their life. However, most also have the good judgment to do it on a side road if they succumb to the urge. This shows how classy they are.

• Jerry Springer has never had a Camry driver as a guest on his show. Oprah usually has had a bunch. Most “Springer” guests know someone who owns one or is trying to steal one. (Get it?)

• Some police departments pull over Camry drivers and give them tickets before the driver actually commits a violation, usually for weaving or failure to signal or yield. Camry drivers appreciate this attention.

• Motorcycle riders appreciate Camry drivers helping to keep productive law enforcement officers off the road where they might cause trouble with their pesky sirens and handcuffs.

• Camry drivers are usually not sperm donors; they need all they can make. Motorcycle riders can repopulate any continent by lunch.

• Camry drivers don't like technological progress and long for the days when cars had six volt electrical systems, which they felt was less reckless than “modern” twelve volt systems. Some motorcycle riders still have the “volts” to kick-start their own engines.

• Camry drivers travel with their radio off – just to be sure it doesn't interfere with their aura. Motorcycle riders hate “aura” but have a lot of “mojo”.

• Motorcycle riders are very comfortable achieving a high-level of concentration and “one-ness” with their machine called the “zone”. Camry drivers are most comfortable in a hospital “zone”.

• Motorcycle riders fear losing their right to ride. Camry drivers fear Echo drivers.

• Motorcycle riders develop a deep sense of soul about riding. Camry drivers would sell their soul to avoid dealing with the workers at Jiffy Lube.

• Motorcycle riders rarely envy automobile drivers. Camry drivers envy anyone with a functioning lymph system.

• Motorcycle riders are not afraid to find love in all the wrong places. Camry drivers don't know how to find most right places and can't seem to find any wrong places.

• Motorcycle riders enjoy motorcycles with “too much” power. Camry drivers can never get “too much” of Peter, Paul and Mary.

Real friends don't let friends drive a Camry. (What is a “camry” anyway?) Understanding the differences described above in the scientific manner present will help motorcycle riders better appreciate the inherent limitations of the Joe Camry's of the world. We are truly emotional “givers” sometimes with hearts as big as our flywheels. For this reason I get emotional when I think about all of the good this article will bring to our lives.

Help sponsor a Camry driver. They need all of the love we can give them.